he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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