Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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