I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
