I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
