You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
