you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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