I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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