You're so nebulous sometimes
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
