I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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