i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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