It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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