i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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