And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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