The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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