all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
