I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
