just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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