Who wears a wallet chain?!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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