I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
