thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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