I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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