i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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