i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you traded sex for a burrito?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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