I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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