I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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