he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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