I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
