I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
