Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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