her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
