I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
