I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
