I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
