I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
