I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
