Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
