if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
