Yo dont text me then not text me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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