somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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