connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
