i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
