what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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