had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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