Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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