the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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