We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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