mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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