so that wasnt chicken after all
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
