A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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