i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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